Schöne Schmerzen

PFFBerlin is on this week, marking my (and several other folks’) first appearance on the big porno screen.  When Bobby, Chica and I marched our cameras up the hill back in February, we had no intentions whatsoever beyond the creation of something pretty.  What we ended up with was the Hilltop Agony series, which you can see over at Beautiful Agony if you have too much on to make it to Berlin later this week.  We were so damned proud of its excellence that we decided that now was as good a time as any to start entering our stuff in international festivals.  I have been making porno for several years now for the same old audience, and that bores me sometimes, so I’m keen to start getting involved in what else is happening in dirty pictures worldwide.  In some ways Australia is culturally isolated – no one seems to think that anything comes from here so they don’t bother even looking down to our corner of the map – so I think the most effective way to still be able to participate in modern international erotic production is to get involved with the things that are far far away.  So Berlin is a tiny tiny step towards that, for me at least.

Schöne Schmerzen (Beautiful Agony) has three screenings at Berlin, and is being screened with In Search of the Wild Kingdom, a Pink & White production.  Pink and White is pretty well-known as some of the only decent and conscientiously-produced dykeporn out there, and while I don’t always care for their aesthetic or narrative choices, I respect what they do and feel going being attached to them in two screenings – I think the audience they will draw is a good one for exposure to what Agony does.

The other screening is in conjunction with  a lecture by a film theorist called Stephan Wolf entitled ‘The Privacy Of Porn: All Is Intimate, Nothing Is True.’ I’m quite sorry to be missing this, as it’s exactly what I’ve been thinking about for awhile now but have little suitable vocabulary to describe.  From the description on the PFFBerlin website:

Truth, but a deceiving one, authenticity, but a false one, all intimacy – ruined? What is left of “private” when there’s a camera around, some director or even some emcee to conduct? We may draw nonpoint lines of demarcation between private and public, between un-, semi- and commercial – and discard them again.

The company I work for produces things which are sometimes described as ‘reality porn’; the contributors to its websites are ‘not models’ or ‘not porn actresses’.  In many ways it depends on the demarcation between ‘real’ and ‘fake’ to exist, and as I think Wolf will perhaps argue, the whole concept (phenomenon?) of ‘private porn’, on the surface, facilitates that distinction.  But then there’s that problem presented by the camera, by a capturing device, by an awareness that someone else is watching or has watching or is going to watch.  So what does it mean to call something ‘private’?  How far can you really go to simply ‘capture’ something, to filter out all consciousness of the act of capturing, to make it so that anyone is ever ‘just watching’?  Wolf is open to suggestion: ‘But – perhaps we disclose hidden hints for some antitheses together?’, and I’d love to be there to give him a few.

But since I can’t, I will just say this: I’m proud that something which evolved so organically and experimentally ended up on an international screen.  I’m excited that a whole buncha people are gonna see something pretty we made.  And I’m encouraged by the fact that pornographic innovation is celebrated by things like Berlin, because I’ve got a whole lot more of it in myself, and I’m always trying to figure out exactly where to stick it.


7 responses to “Schöne Schmerzen

  1. hmmm.. berlin is 900 kms away! but it sounds good anyway. I like your spunk goil, always have.

    I would be really interested to see what bs makes, away from the other place, solo or otherwise. You have a nice mind – thoughtful, discerning, and never nasty – it would be good to see what you could come up with.

    I am amazed that you never get bored with the subject of porn though. I think sex is perenially interesting, and inspiring, but porn, even reality, bores me eventually.. I guess I would be interested to see what it is that captures your interest so.. can anyone make art that continues to tweak my sense of the erotic? Sometimes I feel I can only do it for myself, that it is my mind alone that makes erotic fantasy for me, and I am left cold by others’ fantasy.. is this normal? I pose you this idea so maybe you can ponder it some and think of me as part of the unreachable audience.. perhaps? Sorry, not a very coherent thought there, that one!

  2. awesome, just awesome. you have the best job, ever.

  3. Hey,

    greetings from the 3. PornfilmfestivalBerlin ;-)

    I will make photographs during the festival and will put it on our blog

    All the best from Berlin!

  4. Oh we had so many fun times that day. Wow I didn’t know we were screening with such spiffy stuff! Thanks for you and Miss L for organising this. xoxo

  5. tink:

    sometimes my mind is a little nasty, but in a really nice way. i think it’s my nose; nothing i ever do can be 100% nasty. it’s just not in my person. i don’t look the part. this excludes me from appearance in certain films.

    i do wonder sometimes whether i will tire of porn. i don’t think i’ll ever tire of sex, but i do think that i will experience some periods of burnout – i think that’s one thing that jobs in the sex industry are particularly prone to. sometimes i think i’d like to do some sex education or sexual health training, or even some counselling. i know you weren’t asking about it solely as a profession, but also as a hobby/thought project.

    i don’t think i’ll ever stop being interested in the pornographic and the explicit and the ways in which they shape or respond to erotic psychology. i enjoy writing about it equally as much as i enjoy making it, which gives me this split consciousness about where i should be directing my energies.

    i don’t think there’s all that much to be read into your limited attention span for porn. some folks aren’t that stimulated by the visual, and i think you might fall into that category as someone of your proclivities – which engage words and sound quite intimately. the erotic storytelling you’re doing in your own head (‘my mind alone…makes erotic fantasy for me’) is probably just where you derive the most pleasure, and there’s really no value judgment to be placed on that. as long as you give something a red-hot go as a possible turn-on, i think you’re welcome to reject it if it doesn’t serve. but only for yourself.

    i am often left cold by others’ fantasies as well, which of course is the nature of a beast like porn – there’s so much (bad) stuff that a large portion of the time you’re not going to gain anything – and sometimes might stand to lose a thing or two. but there are those little pieces that slip through our filters and those are so worth having looked in the first place.

    as far as the ‘unreachable audience’ thing goes – i think you just kinda have to speak to people in their own language. which means learning what they respond to. i don’t really believe that erotic response is always triggered by the graphically, clinically explicit, because so much of my experience has indicated that things like sexual memory and the sexualisation of concepts or aesthetics is just as likely to elicit an erotic response. i suppose it’s a matter of knowing who you’re dealing with, which isn’t always terribly cut-and-dry. but i guess that’s something i’d like some practice in.

    it took me a few reads but that was actually a great comment and gave me lots to think about. i’m really glad you come here, tink, and put your two cents in – you’re always engaging.


  6. kiss x

    been thinking lots about (the details of my) writing too since we spoke and since I came here.. having a bit of a revolution about it! You are very inspiring to be with, here, there, and everywhere…

    love x

    i think you are spot on with the comment about words and sound too. thankee muchly

    by the way, i would know those lips anywhere!

    hug x

  7. Yay for us and original porn! It makes me so happy that we captured this memory on camera and it made it all the way to Berlin. Next time we gotta be there.

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