It’s been my birthday. Oh, yes, it’s been my birthday.
I’m big on the birthdays. I can’t describe what that’s about exactly, given my anti-celebratory stance on most things and my general unexcitability. But birthdays are exciting. Over the years I have come to see them as ritual and renewal. Like New Year’s for the actual self. A chance for me to look at myself on my timeline of me and be impressed that I am the furthest along I have ever been – never mind that this is necessarily the case. While of course I love the part where I share it with others, my favourite part of my birthday is the part I spend alone. For years now I have been purposeful about taking myself out of contact for awhile on mon anniversaire and just sort of getting a sense of what it feels like to be in my body and in my head, and each year I am more convinced that it feels good. And that’s not just the birthday high talking.
My birthday also invokes thoughts about origins and new locations. Expansion has been a theme for me over the last year – wanting to get bigger and be able to see over the tops of more things, rather than getting smaller and huddled as I sometimes tend to do. I have this definite origin (the song ‘Love is Like a Rock’ by Donnie Iris was my birthday theme song this year), and I have these long extensions stretching over the earth and grasping all of my other locales and geographies. So expansion is happening. This was nice to see because when I look at the last year of my life I see so much huddling around a heart and so much drawing inward.
I’d love to know how other folks think about and experience birthdays. Sure, it’s an arbitrary day just like any other, but it’s your arbitrary day just like any other. I’m hanging out for a birthday blog from Ali – and for any comments about what your birthday is all about.
Coming soon: hookers and American junk food – more birthday bloggery!
An excerpt from my birthday dance, in my new birthday scarf – thanks again to Donnie Iris.